Now, as we don't have much time, I'm going to get straight to the point. If you really want me to promote you dear, you've got to work hard. Life is a fight, life is a race, sporadically coloured by happy moments....I know it's tough, but that's the way it is-though sometimes, you southern people don't seem to get it, do you?...just kidding! Now in particular, you've got to find the right amount of politeness in your voice when addressing our clientele. It's not easy, I know, and
there's a plethora of ways to say I'm sorry-not all of them being correct-or acceptable.
Our terrace is globally acknowledged for its high quality service, which includes our ability to elaborately ask for forgiveness. And I'm sorry to say, you're not persuasive enough Christina.
You've got to justify your "sorrys"! And increase them by number! Do you know how many times Nevil feels sorry on an average shift? Two hundred! I'm sorry, we don't have a toilet because our clients abuse it! Not because "it's the boss's fault". We don't offer tap water because we don't have a tap! We have a well, thats why we're called " the terrace wells" but have no taps! We don't have a wifi network, because electromagnetism is harmful for the genitalia. Don't you want to see our customers reproduce, Christina? Don't you realize what happiness, what sheer joy this is? Do you want to know how many of our customers have invited me to their children's baptisms so far? Three hundred and forty four-sheer joy! Attended only two of course, because I'm not a christian-and those two were sponsors so I couldn't do elseways..
Now, I have to warn you against Nevil. He seems to be an expert when it comes to excuses for broken toilests/ in asking for forgiveness when the wifi doesn't work, a veritable poet when it comes to refusing entry to second class Cockney-speaking youngsters.And therefore seems to be the prevailing candidate for this promotion-at least according to the comittee.
You know I personally favor non-British employees, so I'm on your side Christina, but please, your communication skills, mm? Thank you, now off to work.